I've posted this quite sometime in another blog which I think it's really interesting to bring it over.

And something just happen today. It's a question that I need to ask myself, have I betrayed my friends/colleagues. The situation was most of them went out for late lunch and I was not in the mood for lunch so I stayed back. Everything just happen and I have no idea what I was doing? My boss called to look for one of my colleague and I should be lying about and tell my boss that "she's in the restroom" but I didn't I just told him that "she's out for lunch". And that's where all the trouble comes :( one lead to another....my boss then ask for another person and then again I could have lied and I don't know why I didn't!!! And again I speaks the truth that he's out for lunch as well. That's it I know I'm in deep shit!!! Boss was asking who else is out for lunch...I'm in deep shit!!! Should I spill it out or again lie?!?!? But all these thinking only comes after I told my boss and keep blaming myself why didn't i lied to save all my friends/colleagues. Till now I just felt bad that I've got all my friends/colleagues in trouble. There is one in particular which I think he's quite upset and a close friend of mine that hurts me most.

I just wanna say "I'm sorry" to each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart. I really cherish our friendship and though I've not known you gals & guys long but to me it's a lifetime.

Mystery? Secrets? Who knows? Everyone have their secrets, everyone have something no one knows about. Dark secret? Only you and God knows what are those. It all depends on how you would like to reveal them to your friends. Everyone wear mask at sometimes of their lives to disguite some truth which they wouldn't want to reveal. But how good are you in hiding all the truth that no one knows....And how good other see through our disguise? No one knows how vulnerable we are to other? Some people are really good some people are just not for it.

I guess some people are just too good in notice any slight changes in our behaviour. But do we avoid these people who know the truth or keep denying the truth from others for the rest of the life. I guess burden like that are just too hard to carry around. Do we find new friends to avoid people are too close to knowing the truth or just like the movies kill the person who knows the truth to hide the dark secret. How well can you keep a secret? Or how well can your friends keep the secret for you? No matter how, in 1 stage of life your friends will betray you for something that they want. But whether the betrayal it's worth it or not nobody knows. How long are you going to keep your dark secrets and how long is your friend's dark secret or how long do you think your friends is going keep your dark secret.

Why do everyone have some dark secret in them. I can rest assure that everyone do have their dark secrets. It's a matter how much they would like to reveal their secrets to people and conceal the rest in some bottomless pit where no one can reach them. But are we happy with all the lives we live in? Leaving a life which you created that you "think" it's happy and content? But in actual truth it's all lies that we're living one after another. To conceal all the mysteries and secrets and buried together with us down the grave!!! And do you think that's the end of your dark secrets? I guess not!!! Some point in life it's revealed and it's going to travel. There's a chinese saying "Good news doesn't leave home, but bad news travel thousand and thousand of miles away". Agree?

Just the topic alone I think it's hard to explain and express! People talk about their griefness and sadness but how come people tense to forget about the happy moments they have? Happy moment seems to be gone with a blink of an eye, and sadness seems like a lifetime. It's just funny how one can advice people to be happy and not grief, yet ourselves can't release ourselves from such situation when we're struck with it?

So how are we going to make sure we're balancing ourselves from all these grief and happiness?What preventions measure to keep us balance?

I guess everybody has a bad day or a bad week it's just how bad it gets only. For my case it begins on Monday and lasted all the way to Saturday. And I'm really thankful it's all over, hopefully :)

It all begins on Monday nite as I went out dinner with a friend of mine. Not knowing what to eat and wondering around and finally made up my mind to have sushi since I hadn't had it for a long long time. It was just fun having dinner with friend and chatting about work and friends. And when one is having fun, time flies. We moved our seperate ways back to our crib. The nightmare begins as the clock struck 12 midnight, when to the toilet and starting to pee through my rear end. Something is not right here and I felt totally uneasy and went to bed and suddenly feeling going to toilet again and it just begin and didn't stop. I was totally exhausted by purging just fluid. As I try to stay calm and wait for the clinic to open the next day. As the hour passes it get worst and now I feel like vomiting. My parents are going back hometown the next day and I was totally helplessly motionless laying on my bed waiting for help to come. As I manage to get my cousin brother to come and fetch me to the nearest clinic. After when to the clinic and got my medicine and I'm my way to road to recovery but I'm still weak as I stayed at home and rest. Any smart employee would have turned of their mobile phone but yet I'm so stupid to leave my phone on and there goes my rest day. Company just called me up to work!!! I've all my reason for not going to work and yet my boss have all the reasons for me to work. I told him I'm just too weak to drive and he ask me to take a cab. And I told him I can't drive long distance, he says got another colleague to drive us there. Best reason has yet to come. I told him that, there's no toilet @ the site. He ask me to bring toilet rolls and settle it by the bush. I seriously think the only way I could really have a good rest at home would be telling my boss that I'm hospitalize and on drips.

That's not good enough as the day pass I'm station at the site most of the time to make sure things are going well so that I would start doing my decorations. Another mistake of mine was to leave my bag in one of the drawers. I've my digital camera, thumb drive, measuring tape and keys with me. By the time I went back to my bag it's only left with my measuring tape and keys. I've no idea what the indon wants with my thumb drive!!! Even that, they also want to steal. I've been trying very hard to forget that my digital camera was being stolen. After few days later I still can't forget about it and was walking around the site thinking about my digital camera and I walk myself into an accident. I burned my palm! How it happen? I was going down the staircase as people are welding the staircase and the place was in a mess. As I was going down the staircase I slipped and was about to fall, I hold on to the bar. And that's the bar they are doing welding on. And the pain was excruciating, lasted for nearly half an hour. I was thinking how bad could it be and can u image all these happen in just 1 week. I guess it's still not that important all these things happen to me. These are just something in life we're going through. Things lost, things found, wound will heal.

To some people this is a special day but not for me. To me it's just another ordinary day which too many things has happen in the past and fall so hard on my faca and got back up and live my ordinary life. Through out this process I've lost some and gain some. I've gain a lot of experience and how to live my life to the fullest and do not act foolishly and I've lost a dear friend who's close to my heart. That's the greatest regret up to date. I wish that things were better and I wish I could turn back time, but that's impossible I guess there's nobody in this world could do such a thing and only God knows.

Now I'm happy yet still sad over losing this close friend of mine, yet I need to be strong and tell my friend that no matter how, I'm still going to stand strong and not be bother over this matter. I guess there are just too many misunderstood between the both of us and there are still a lot of loose end. I wish that one day all the loose end meets and problems solve. By the looks of it, I guess it's impossible as I'm trying very hard to get in contact but it seems impossible. I'm still praying these day would come and the bright sunlight at this end of the long dark tunnel would been seen.

I guess through this experience I've changed a lot, if not I would still be bitter about the experience and doing silly things. But yet I'm not, I just live my life as it is and slowly picking up pieces that I've lost along the way. It's a long and hard process and I'm totally not complaining about it as I just don't want to lose this friend over matters that are not solve. I totally find it not fair to me and I've been left in the dark not knowing what I did wrong to deserve it. Yet I'm looking at the brighter side to be patiently waiting that one fine day the answers would come, though it's impossible, I'm not giving up that easily. I do hope that next time when I look back and I've no regret about it and problems solve.

It's another day and yet my work is still not done. The best part was I actually felt asleep until this morning. Friends laugh at me for still staying in this company knowing that I'm those who can't stay long in a company especially those who don't treat their staff well. My friend thought that they might have poison me or cast a spell on me cause I've been working late and work during weekends and yet have not heard any complains about it.

Deep in my mind I've wanted to leave this place when I found out that I need to work on Saturday and yet almost full day. But then after staying I knew all these new colleague who eventually become friends and the thought of leaving just disappear. Somehow the thought resurface again just few weeks back and since yesterday incident the more so I wanted to leave. After talking to most of my friends. I guess in this line of work that I'm it we're always in the losing end and the employer always win. I'm just sad that I've not taken up something that's money making instead of my interest. Nowadays I keep advice my young friends, doing something you like wouldn't get you anyway but do something that makes money will get you somewhere you want in the future. Make your choice right!!! The choice is always in our hand. I think I better go and prepare myself for work another day has begun and another rushing day that I've to go thru.

I guess many of you would think the same as well. There are times when things shouldn't have done or said. That's the situation I'm in now! I really wish that I've not said so much and things wouldn't have gone to this stage, where I'm now. Feeling all kind of guilts. Thinking whether have I done the right thing. I've already know the out come and yet I said it out. Am I stupid or what?!?!?! Sometimes I just wonder how stupid am I? Knowing what I've said would causes this chain reaction and yet I said it. And now I really don't know how am I going to let myself go of this situation I'm in. I totally don't know where I stand? Whether I've done the right thing or not? Before doing it I've already thought to myself if it doesn't work, how am I going to face the rejection. Where I know most likely what the answer would be. And yet I let myself get burned. How stupid can I be? Playing with fire knowing the danger of it.

It begins at a very tender age. As a child, we've already started to choose between things. When we were young, things are more simple back then. But as we get older, the crossroad seems complex or we tend to question ourselves, which is a better route to the next destination? Or which is faster? Or is this route save? There are going to be one million and one questions you'll ask yourself at the crossroad. But it's not that simple. God made each of us uniquely different from one another. The road the we walk, we're not alone. Your family and friends might have been to the same cross road. But are they willing to share and help you to make the decision at the crossroad? And are you willing to listen? Or which you already have the decision made? You just need someone to talk to or listen to you, and get some feed back just to reassured yourself?

Just recently I've so many friends complaint about the wrong choices they had made and regretting it. I guess any Tom, Dick and Harry knows that, there is no point regretting the choice you've made? But yet, every human being would just dwell in the regrets and sorrows!!! I guess that's just human, too human in fact. Who wouldn't? There are just too many cross roads that we'll get into as we go on walking towards the life we wanted. I guess these cross roads just add some spices to our boring lives. When everything is too smooth, you'll try to find something to spice up your life. When things get bad, you'll complaint that how come you have such a bad life? Let me tell you something, everybody has bad experience and this can't be measure by comparing? I've heard too many sad stories, it just grieves me up. I kept telling myself, how bless I'm in the midst of sadness compare to the people who has gone thru so much in life. And I'm really bless to know these people who makes me see life in a different perspectives. Yet I wish I was there for all these friends who had suffered so much.

At all these cross roads, I've met so many wonderful people who showed me what's life is all about. I've my sad moments too, which kept me up for nights crying not knowing what's the reason behind it. But those were the pass, let bygone be bygone! No matter what road you take at the crossroads, there is always a lesson to learn from it. Be it a good or a bad experience, we still need to move on with our lives. Time and tide wait for no man! We're not getting younger by the days, so make it a good experience no matter what road you choose. God gives you life, He gives you choices, you only need to write your own story and the conclusion! I'm writing this to remind myself and my friends to move on with our lives no matter how bad it hurts or how unfortunate we've been.

Life still goes on,

and the sun never fails to rise and set.

Enjoy and be content,

for tomorrow is another crossroad we'll get.

From a friend:-

Life is not a problem to be solved

But a gift to be enjoyed!

Another day has gone and Chinese New Year's just around the corner. Somehow the feeling of joy and exitement towards CNY has been gradually vanished the older I get. To me it's just another CNY nothing to look forward to. When we're young we're looking forward to the "ang pow" (red envelope) that we receive but somehow as we grow older it doesn't matter that much anymore. It's just another red envelope with practically the expected amount to it. With no surprise at all!!! Anyway that's not the whole point of CNY.

I guess in life you have to learn things the hard way in order to stay deep in ur mind. I guess this recent accident i had is definately going to stay for a long long time. It involve too many people which I don't want. I guess all the ads and advice from people never gets to you unless you finally hit the jackpot! Thank God that nobody is hurt in this accident. I seriously hope and pray that the old couple which i bang their cars across the drains are in good health. Thank God everyone is ok after the accident and no sheding of blood were involve.

The impact and i had was to great that I've bruises all over my body which is resurface bit by bit. I guess the image and memory during the hit is lost forever which I'll never know forever. The only people who can tell me is the people at the scene of the accident, witnesses to the accident. I've been trying to recall what happen from my image bank, I still couldn't recover a single trace if it. There are bits and pieces but somehow it just doesn't flow or have a solid conclusion of the incident. I guess life is more important than anything that God has given to us.

Went it hits and even after the accident I was "stone" there and the only thing that come to my mind was "no life were taken" if yes please take mine not them, they're all innocent people which I guess I've selfishly involve them into.

I really thank God for alwaz being there for me and with me!!!!Life is Good!!!