Wish I Could Turn Back Time

I guess many of you would think the same as well. There are times when things shouldn't have done or said. That's the situation I'm in now! I really wish that I've not said so much and things wouldn't have gone to this stage, where I'm now. Feeling all kind of guilts. Thinking whether have I done the right thing. I've already know the out come and yet I said it out. Am I stupid or what?!?!?! Sometimes I just wonder how stupid am I? Knowing what I've said would causes this chain reaction and yet I said it. And now I really don't know how am I going to let myself go of this situation I'm in. I totally don't know where I stand? Whether I've done the right thing or not? Before doing it I've already thought to myself if it doesn't work, how am I going to face the rejection. Where I know most likely what the answer would be. And yet I let myself get burned. How stupid can I be? Playing with fire knowing the danger of it.

Or am I being overly sensitive over the situations. I guess when a person totally have no friends around and nothing to do, all kind of things just pop into the brain. I do that most of the time which I myself actually make the situation worst then I thought it would be. And in actual fact it's really nothing or not that big deal after all. I really hope so that would be the outcome. There are many times I hurt myself thinking too much and I guess I've yet to learn from it. I just don't want to lose anybody especially friends in my walk of life. I just want to keep as much friends I could, friends are really important to me, cause I spend more time with them than my family and I'm not denying that I'm not that close to my family. But of course I do care for my family if not I would have left this place long time ago and just forget everything here and turn over a new leaf in another foreign land.

There are just too many things happen in such a short period of time. Things happen too fast, am I the one to be blame and no one else? That's just something I'm wondering? My boss tole me that I'm too flamboyant and bubbly which I should tone down a bit. Which I guess he's right! But that's the only thing I know how to keep all my friends happy. I guess the next question to pop up would be, are you happy? I guess I'm in certain ways, I'm happy when I see my friends happy and smiling. I guess I'm just a simple person, whenever I'm sad I just need to see someone smile and I'll be OK. I guess I've my DD in Penang to do that for me, which at times I wish someone else would do that for me and it's just an impossible request. Sadly I hate to see my friends sad as well, it just troubled me to see my friends soak in sadness especially those who are close to me. But yet I've no idea how am I going to help them, or the things I've done have made the situation worst. Again and again I wish I've the power to turn back time which it's and impossible thing to do. Now I'm trying to reconcile the situation and yet it's out of my hand. It takes two to clap your hands. I guess all I can do is patiently wait.......



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Dreaming day and night, That is what I do at most time, Waking from it I might, But when would be the right time.

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Copyright 2008 by Ken Ong.
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